life changes, everything changes.

so here it is. i knew Jesus was up to something.

i've seriously been praying for a breakthrough in two areas:
1) finances
2) adulthood

and i wasn't sure how He was going to make it happen. honestly, i get in the way. (i'm not the only one, i know you feel me on getting-in-the-way-of-your-own-growth.) i want to bust out of the bondage of my debt, and i want to grow beyond the simplicity of adolescence, but i seem to keep getting tripped up by the same patterns.

and there are things we hold onto. ahem, (i'm clearing my throat), people. relationships. y'all know what i mean.

jenni's moving to illinois. she got this amazing promotion - outside sales - and she's going to be able to be much closer to her family in iowa, it's a huge salary increase, she gets a company car, and her goal was always to move to outside sales, and she's made it there, at 26. that's phenomenal and i could not be more proud of her.

but she's leaving me.

she's my person.

and this is just earth-shattering. i can't even begin to get my head around the reality of it. who'm i going to debrief with? every saturday night? no more drunkenly belting 80's ballads while driving north on the 5? (okay, she was never drunk, and i rarely was, but the concept was called 'drunken harmonies' because of its origin.) seriously, who will defend the cattle farmers of america? who's going to laugh endearingly when, on beach cruiser rides to the ocean, i yell "that's inappropriate!" to the men who catcall?

at the same time, i've been thinking lately that i'm evolving. i'm not the same as i was when i moved to north county 4 years ago. jenni and i met in a bible study about 6 months after i arrived, when she first came out from iowa. and there are some times with friends, even with friends who love you and want the best for you, when you're stuck in the frame of who they think you are. (i feel like this was addressed really well - and super comically - on an episode of "how i met your mother" with lily and her high schol best friend.) i think there are some grown-up parts of me that are ready to emerge that i may have been reluctant to let flourish, out of fear for how they'd affect our friendship. so, with this new change, this new distance, will come new challenges and new growth space for me.

also, the opportunity to move somewhere less expensive is a super fine bonus. i love our place so much, but it won't be the same without her, and it's not worth the expense! i'd rather save some money & stress.

altogether, huge shock. this is going to be a crazy month of processing, grieving, packing, moving, and branching out, for both of us. but i think good things are coming.