on bridges

One of my bosses wrote a blog about a conversation we had about what I call “party ministry”. The twenty somethings at our church have frequent house parties, and great conversations are had. I posited that in that instance, I do better ministry with a beer in my hand. He’s expressed to me before that I should quit drinking. A recovering alcoholic, 20 years sober, he knows me well and speaks a lot of wisdom into my life. In the past few months, I’ve walked with my mom through her own rehabilitation from a 40 year alcohol addiction. In his article, which you should read in its entirety, he compared me to another young woman he has a lot of respect for, who admired a preacher’s use of the F-word from the pulpit. Adam told his readers,

The ability to exert your freedom in Christ, whether by language, drinking, etc is not what I see as Biblical authenticity. True, it might be the real you, but so are your all of natural desires.

There have been a lot of online conversations fueled from his blog. I don’t know what the main question is, but to me, it comes down to the bridges we build as we’re creating relationships and doing ministry. Is saucy language an appropriate bridge? Is alcohol (in moderation) an appropriate bridge? You could keep going - Is pop culture an appropriate bridge? Is social activism an appropriate bridge?

The truth is, Jesus used some pretty shady bridges, so following His example here is a little rough. His first miracle was bringing a few more barrels of wine to a wedding that already had its fair share. He rolled with an extremely tough crowd and didn’t come home at night.

This is when I have to admit, I am not Jesus. I am not sinless.

I have done some ministry in some shady places that God has blessed. And I have gone to some shady places with the intention of doing ministry and ended up blending in with the crowd more than I’m proud of.

A social setting with other twenty somethings is usually a party, a restaurant, a bar, or a coffee shop. Connect over a latte, on the dance floor, or by noticing that you drink the same kind of beer.

I’ve heard, “You’ll have a stronger witness when people ask you why you’re not drinking and you say it’s because you follow Jesus.” I say that that’s the response that will get disillusioned twentysomethings to run further from the church, from Jesus, and from the truth. In the first 100 words I’ve spoken to a stranger, I will have now offered them a potential savior who wants to take all their fun away.

My savior? My savior teaches that ultimate fun and freedom are found in Him. By checking in with Him, listening to His heart, and giving Him access to mine.

In the midst of an effed up day, I can run to my savior with tears on my face and tell him about it, without euphamisms. He understands what it’s like. And if I couldn’t drop an F-bomb to express myself, then I wouldn’t be being honest with him. This is a freedom that I want other young women (who I minister to, primarily) to know they have.

But there are parameters to freedom in order to insure that everyone’s free. I think of Cloud and Townsend and their backpack analogy of boundaries. If you take away someone else’s individual responsibility, then you are wearing your backpack (of responsibilities) and theirs. Now they have nothing, and you have twice the load that God intended. Everybody should carry his or her own backpack, and free others to carry theirs.

My mom is 107 days sober today, and she understands that her sobriety is her responsibility. At the same time, I consult the Spirit within me to decide whether it’s appropriate to expose her to certain temptations. There’s a fine balance – to life, to walking with Jesus, to living in community, and to walking in freedom and authenticity.

We’re all going to fall and stumble. Electing to hold our ministry’s regular Friday Night Gathering at El Torito and neglecting to ask our group to refrain from drinking may have seriously stumbled someone. Adam, 20 years sober, and I, very conscious of what alcohol addiction can look like, just forgot. But that’s a kink we’ll work out and plan ahead for next time.

Permit me to share the boundaries that God has helped me develop to understand when my freedom is about to send me back into chains.

The bottom line is, it’s never okay to exercise my “personal freedom” if it’s causing me or others to sin.

Which means I have to check my motives and identify danger zones.
That means, am I seeking my identity from the validation I’m getting right now? Or is telling this story an opportunity to allow the person I’m talking to to be equally vulnerable? Am I having a beer because I’m exhausted and frustrated with how the Saturday Night service went? Or do I like the taste, and want to share a pint as a genuine bridge-building opportunity?

I have to check my audience and weigh my options.
Perhaps what I’m about to share in an attempt to be authentic has some gnarly stuff in it – whether it’s harsh truth or the reality of what Jesus has pulled me through. Maybe the girl with the crantini is prime to hear my testimony, but it would be much less appropriate for her guy friends to overhear. Or if I’m out to dinner and a glass of wine sounds phenomenal, but I’m out with Christians who don’t drink at all, and although they know my preferences, it’s not worth it to make them uncomfortable, even if it wouldn’t be sin.

I don’t think drinking, swearing, what you pursue for entertainment (violent video games? Salsa dancing? Zombie movies?), can be evaluated with a cut-ax black & white judgement. I think what matters is each individual’s heart, in each individual moment.

CS Lewis writes the following in Mere Christianity:

every time you make a choice, you are turning the central part of you, the part of you that chooses, into something a little different from what it was before. And taking your life as a whole, with all your innumerable choices, all your life long you are slowly turning this central thing either into heavenly creature or a hellish creature.

And throughout scripture, that’s what God demonstrates to be His top priority. That we grow and develop into more holy individuals by yielding our hearts to Him, moment by moment. And I can do that with a beer in my hand. Sometimes.

you must watch this.

i got it from www.soulpancake.com, a site you must visit, immedeately. it's rainn wilson's brainchild, and an amazing place of creativity & soulfulness.

what we think

i was horrified this week as i read this really sub-par devotional magazine that a certain huge christian publishing house sent to the church. it just broke my heart because it was selling this extremely impotent Jesus to women - a Lord who will supposedly love you like a soap opera star and kill your desire for your husband to treat you better. i'm being harsh, but it was really bad.

i mentioned this to one of my fancy-friends. i am extremely proud to know her. i handed it to her, tsk-tsking, and probably referred to it as "a piece of shit" in the very foyer of our house of worship. she said she'd take a look and get back to me.

this is what she said:
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For the last two days, I have been pondering why low-quality, cheesy Christian writing abounds. I’ve come to the conclusion that some people LIKE watered-down, cheesy Christian devotionals and romance novels or why would there be such a market for it? Come on people, raise the bar. THINK a little bit. Read the Bible (like you said) or Christian classics—don’t go straight for the Christian chicken soup for the soul. A lot of the Christian publishing industry is substandard, and I can say that as someone who is on the inside. Lower quality is just simply more accepted. You and I (and others like us) need to change that by not consuming that “Here is what I learned about Jesus from not having a boyfriend” crap, and by producing more thoughtful, smart and spiritually deep material—meaning that we don’t add more junk to the pile (not that we would, but sometimes it’s tempting when you know you can make money off of it). Blah blah blah. Anyway, I hear you.
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My 11pm email back went like this:
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I just picked back up a book that is called “invitation to solitude and silence” and it is excellent, and the author, when beginning, addresses a lot of the issues you and I have talked about – being scared I’m not actually capable of real love, worrying that if I address all the feelings inside me they may just overwhelm me, wondering if I actually have a voice at all, and if I do, does anyone want to hear it, etc. (when I read this I was all – woah! Thought I was the only one.) it’s really good and I’m excited to start sitting in silence a few minutes a day – at first – to hear what God has to say. Still small voice, you know? I have been marinating on this idea of the term “quiet time” as a compound word – the noun quiettime. It’s a thing, you know? A megachurch, people who write in paper calendars, zondervan, thing. And I want to revolutionize that – at least in my life. And I want it to be time. And if it’s quiet, so be it. I think there’s a proper position for quiet (adjective) time (noun) with God. That’s what I want to work on more. But my relationship with God also needs thinking (verb) time, loud(adjective) time, abrasive (a concept rather than a part of speech) time – when I can assault Him about the horrible things I think about myself and people and this wreched world and even Him. And if I limit my experience with God to quiettime I will become someone with a boring name like Susan who could stand to have a bathroom that was decorated hawaiian style and could read that piece of shit devotional magazine i got in the mail. And that, you know, is my greatest fear.

The common denominator in my experiential Christianity (just coined that, I like it) is time. I said quiet/hinking/loud/abrasive, but they all involve time. Why do I feel like that’s the one commodity I can’t give more of? And why the hell does it take so long to grade reading worksheets? That’s one reason I’ve got to get out of this job – I spend so much time doing stupid things. It’s mind-numbing and soul-killing. Anyway. Part of this whole deal of real time with God – whatever the adjective is – is disciplining myself to 1)take the time – don’t watch TV, don’t invent a chore (organize this, put away that, prepare for this), don’t sleep so long, don’t stay at work gabbing with people you don’t really like 2)use the time not for others (coming up with a cool Bible lesson, praying for every injustice in the world) but actually let God talk to me.
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we're gonna keep thinking and talking about this. i'm excited, and i'll let you know what else we come up with.