dirt?bag

Today, my boss Adam challenged me that referring to someone as a d-bag on facebook was unwise. He said, “it looked like you might be saying d----bag instead of dirtbag. I think you ought to clarify.”

So, I just redid my personal goals. Let me show you – I’m going to straight up copy and paste – my governing values.

grace
integrity
humility
authenticity
generosity
flexibility
loyalty to primary relationships

I’m not going to lie, I’m a little bit embarrassed that “wisdom” or “discernment” are not on this list, but I promised I’d copy and paste directly, so there.

A few things that ARE on my list that were represented in my facebook status update are authenticity and loyalty. Here is my actual status update:

you guys don’t know this guy, but I do, and the briefest version of his history possible is that he has asked Lorie to dinner 12 times in 2010 and flaked on her 11 of those times. He has never treated her with respect, and in return, has not earned any. She’s stupid for liking him, and he’s a d-bag for treating her like that. In my book, you call a spade a spade.

And that’s what being real is. And when you’re real, you take a risk. You risk getting in trouble at work for your language. You risk being less respected if you show emotion. But you also risk building a bond with others – because someone else knows the pain of watching a friend let herself be treated like shit. I assume someone else does, anyway.

So Adam walked back to the office and I told him I’d thought about it and that this guy is both kinds of d-bag. He laughed and said, “you twentysomethings and your version of authenticity”. I think he’s suggesting that there’s a balance somewhere between articulately expressing myself and sharing my heart with the whole world (and the whole www). No. I don’t know exactly where that is yet.

my blackout

so... no twitter or facebook for the month of august.

basically: a campaign to work on the real attachments in my life & quit using fake, substitute attachments (which i so effectively announce to the non-world that is the blogosphere). but really- this is an actual issue with me, i'm realizing. it was one thing to be connected to people when i was gone on my roadtrip, but quite another when i'm home and still reaching to these fakey-fake attachments to feel like i'm connected to the world. i have people around me, and i want to connect with them.

another thought: Jesus. and the time i spend with Him. i'm thinking about my investment in my cyber-self. which is far, far too much. i'm even thinking now about how i should go back to a non-roadtrip banner for my blog, since i'm not on the road anymore, and change the name back. because i'm sooo important and have sooo many readers. neither of those things are true. meanwhile, GOD LONGS FOR ME FURIOUSLY. (i'm reading brennan manning right now.) He's like, i'd like a status update. take as many characters as you want. and i'm all, i don't have time, but you can follow me on twitter.

of course, it's not that bad, but it's not NOT that bad, either. my priorities have been very, very self-focused of late and i think a social networking blackout will do me some good, and a month is a good start.

i guess in that sense, it's a fast, right? abstaining from one thing to focus on another? and in this case, i'm focusing on the relationships that i DO want to have (real ones, with real people), not fake ones (built on the cutest pictures i choose, the wittiest quotes i decide to post, and the politics of who's writing what to who).

i was reminded that i quit eating meat and dairy for just 2 weeks in early january, and here i am, 7 months later, vegan. i just couldn't go back. i gave up celebrity gossip for lent, and i've never returned to it with the fury i once had. "it's the year of giving up," i said to jenni, brad, and lorie from the kitchen tonight.