on bridges

One of my bosses wrote a blog about a conversation we had about what I call “party ministry”. The twenty somethings at our church have frequent house parties, and great conversations are had. I posited that in that instance, I do better ministry with a beer in my hand. He’s expressed to me before that I should quit drinking. A recovering alcoholic, 20 years sober, he knows me well and speaks a lot of wisdom into my life. In the past few months, I’ve walked with my mom through her own rehabilitation from a 40 year alcohol addiction. In his article, which you should read in its entirety, he compared me to another young woman he has a lot of respect for, who admired a preacher’s use of the F-word from the pulpit. Adam told his readers,

The ability to exert your freedom in Christ, whether by language, drinking, etc is not what I see as Biblical authenticity. True, it might be the real you, but so are your all of natural desires.

There have been a lot of online conversations fueled from his blog. I don’t know what the main question is, but to me, it comes down to the bridges we build as we’re creating relationships and doing ministry. Is saucy language an appropriate bridge? Is alcohol (in moderation) an appropriate bridge? You could keep going - Is pop culture an appropriate bridge? Is social activism an appropriate bridge?

The truth is, Jesus used some pretty shady bridges, so following His example here is a little rough. His first miracle was bringing a few more barrels of wine to a wedding that already had its fair share. He rolled with an extremely tough crowd and didn’t come home at night.

This is when I have to admit, I am not Jesus. I am not sinless.

I have done some ministry in some shady places that God has blessed. And I have gone to some shady places with the intention of doing ministry and ended up blending in with the crowd more than I’m proud of.

A social setting with other twenty somethings is usually a party, a restaurant, a bar, or a coffee shop. Connect over a latte, on the dance floor, or by noticing that you drink the same kind of beer.

I’ve heard, “You’ll have a stronger witness when people ask you why you’re not drinking and you say it’s because you follow Jesus.” I say that that’s the response that will get disillusioned twentysomethings to run further from the church, from Jesus, and from the truth. In the first 100 words I’ve spoken to a stranger, I will have now offered them a potential savior who wants to take all their fun away.

My savior? My savior teaches that ultimate fun and freedom are found in Him. By checking in with Him, listening to His heart, and giving Him access to mine.

In the midst of an effed up day, I can run to my savior with tears on my face and tell him about it, without euphamisms. He understands what it’s like. And if I couldn’t drop an F-bomb to express myself, then I wouldn’t be being honest with him. This is a freedom that I want other young women (who I minister to, primarily) to know they have.

But there are parameters to freedom in order to insure that everyone’s free. I think of Cloud and Townsend and their backpack analogy of boundaries. If you take away someone else’s individual responsibility, then you are wearing your backpack (of responsibilities) and theirs. Now they have nothing, and you have twice the load that God intended. Everybody should carry his or her own backpack, and free others to carry theirs.

My mom is 107 days sober today, and she understands that her sobriety is her responsibility. At the same time, I consult the Spirit within me to decide whether it’s appropriate to expose her to certain temptations. There’s a fine balance – to life, to walking with Jesus, to living in community, and to walking in freedom and authenticity.

We’re all going to fall and stumble. Electing to hold our ministry’s regular Friday Night Gathering at El Torito and neglecting to ask our group to refrain from drinking may have seriously stumbled someone. Adam, 20 years sober, and I, very conscious of what alcohol addiction can look like, just forgot. But that’s a kink we’ll work out and plan ahead for next time.

Permit me to share the boundaries that God has helped me develop to understand when my freedom is about to send me back into chains.

The bottom line is, it’s never okay to exercise my “personal freedom” if it’s causing me or others to sin.

Which means I have to check my motives and identify danger zones.
That means, am I seeking my identity from the validation I’m getting right now? Or is telling this story an opportunity to allow the person I’m talking to to be equally vulnerable? Am I having a beer because I’m exhausted and frustrated with how the Saturday Night service went? Or do I like the taste, and want to share a pint as a genuine bridge-building opportunity?

I have to check my audience and weigh my options.
Perhaps what I’m about to share in an attempt to be authentic has some gnarly stuff in it – whether it’s harsh truth or the reality of what Jesus has pulled me through. Maybe the girl with the crantini is prime to hear my testimony, but it would be much less appropriate for her guy friends to overhear. Or if I’m out to dinner and a glass of wine sounds phenomenal, but I’m out with Christians who don’t drink at all, and although they know my preferences, it’s not worth it to make them uncomfortable, even if it wouldn’t be sin.

I don’t think drinking, swearing, what you pursue for entertainment (violent video games? Salsa dancing? Zombie movies?), can be evaluated with a cut-ax black & white judgement. I think what matters is each individual’s heart, in each individual moment.

CS Lewis writes the following in Mere Christianity:

every time you make a choice, you are turning the central part of you, the part of you that chooses, into something a little different from what it was before. And taking your life as a whole, with all your innumerable choices, all your life long you are slowly turning this central thing either into heavenly creature or a hellish creature.

And throughout scripture, that’s what God demonstrates to be His top priority. That we grow and develop into more holy individuals by yielding our hearts to Him, moment by moment. And I can do that with a beer in my hand. Sometimes.

financial peace!

so, i've been in Financial Peace University for four weeks now & i've learned a ton.

a few choice lessons:

1) there are no emergencies. really? your car broke down? that's such a shame. i thought cars were supposed to last forever. you never could have expected your car to break down. there's no way you could have planned and saved some money for potential car repairs, right? and had that money working for you while it was in the bank? just think of it. same thing with things like renter's insurance and DMV fees (once a year dingers that always seem to sneak up). but really, do they? maybe we could grow up and start planning for these expenses, and stop whining.

2) it may take time to get out of debt, but the companies i owe money to do not actually own me. my obligation is to take care of myself - make sure i have somewhere to live, food to eat, a car to drive to work, and clothes on my back (and they don't have to be fancy). after that, some giving, saving, bills, and then debt. and with the committed intensity of a banshee, i will be debt free by the time i'm 30! and with the same habits, a millionaire when i'm 45? maybe! j. money at www.budgetsaresexy.com inspired me.

and my favorite quotes from the class:

when broke people say "i can afford it," they mean "i think i can afford the payments. when rich people say "i can afford it," they mean "i have the money to pay for it." - dave ramsey

"there's a great place to go when you're broke. to work." - dave ramsey's grandma

i was stoked this last week, because i had to go home and wrench away on a ton of worksheets that calculate multiple savings accounts, net worth, etc. there are some at dave ramsey's website, but i'm not into having to pay $30 a year to access forms that aren't transferrable to my iPhone. plus, i'm kind of a nerd about spreadsheets. (my favorite friend melissa would be proud).

the fifty-something women (not as spreadsheet savvy as i) in my FPU class were very jealous of my colorful finance sheets, especially the one that deliniated what i'm saving for. it has a picture of a vespa on it.

hey, if they can help you, by all means! enjoy. and the best money advice i can give you: quit spending money on stupid crap.

see & download my zero-based budget here:
http://spreadsheets.google.com/ccc?key=0AiGTzEkvMbG4dGE3VWZ5Z3JoWFdJVnMtRTFwZ2tid0E&hl=en

see & download all my other blank FPU worksheets here:
http://spreadsheets.google.com/ccc?key=0AiGTzEkvMbG4dDdvYWVVNEx0MFZBYURWSWUwelNSN2c&hl=en

respect

absolutely loved this thought from my cousin heather:

Let's encourage our children to appreciate differences. Model for them acceptance. Teach them to admire the beauty of their own & other's imperfect perfections. Be their example, and set the standard high, because qualities such as acceptance, empathy, appreciation & respect seem to be wasting away while judgment, ...disrespect, gossip, material adoration, neglect & selfishness are suffocating our planet.

this was a primary conflict in the relationship i just got out of. embedded in the humor of my former gentleman friend were less-than-dignifying references to women and people of other ethnic dissents. this bothered me to no end, because i recognize how many people have fought and died to end this type of injustice (including Christ Himself). the cycle of disrespect for fellow humans has lasted too many generations and it's our responsibility to have it stop here, with us.