He can handle my language.

one frustrating day, at least a year ago, i was very pissed off, and was walking around with my head down, and lost my keys, had been late for work, overdrawn my bank account, gotten into an argument with someone, and just generally kept doing really stupid things. i continued saying the f-word throughout the day, under my breath, in the direction of the ground. at some point, i realized i was saying it enough that if you were to listen closely it nearly sounded like a duck, quacking.

obviously, i needed to change my attitude, but i really thought, i brought on these situations myself. or did i? i don't know. i don't care. i'm just so mad, so frustrated, so hurt, and i don't have anyone to help me. (this is a cycle that i have an unfortunate habit of getting myself into. i'm getting better.)

at that point, it was like i heard the Lord whisper to me, "tell me about it." and i know that's the Holy Spirit's role- to make us aware of God's presence, so i honestly believe that He was there, coaxing me to usher my profanities heavenward. i knew all i had in me was the same swear word i'd been uttering towards the ground, so i was really nervous to open my mouth. "i can handle it," He seemed to say. "i've heard it before." so, different posture, i lifted my chin, opened my hands, and said to the sky, now as a prayer, a long, drawn out, "fuuuuuuuckk." and i sensed God's comfort, assuring me, "i know. i've been there, too. it's okay."

i made this painting at the end of that day. it was really a turning point for me, spiritually, and shoved me into the holistic, visceral view of my faith that i hope will characterize the rest of my life.

undone on the road

i leave for my roadtrip in a week!

i just got super psyched because i realized there's room in my car for my box of art supplies and a few canvases. when i stop along the way - at my brother's house, at the ArtChurch (hellooo), and once i get to anacortes, i can actually empty up all my bottled up creative energy into some creations. and i'm so stoked about that. check back to see what comes out of that!

what do you want me to do with this?

it feels good to wrap up a project. this is what i polished off today:



"what do you want me to do with this?" mixed media (spray paint, card stock, toothpicks, paper, craft glue, watercolor, xerox, pencil, found discarded window screen). 2009.

this channeled out a moment a few weeks ago when i felt like Jesus was handing me a proverbial pile of building material with no directions as to what i was supposed to build.

i want to give nick abrams a shoutout, because he came through like a mother freakin' champ, coaching me to "you can draw, stine, your brain just gets in the way," when i told him that i couldn't draw. i insisted, nick, i just need you to draw me a tiny, simple house, and a boat, and a fire. (as it worked out, those ARE his that you see. i shrunk them down, copied them onto cardstock, painted & mounted them, but he tried to make me do them myself. at one point in our lesson, he was being really encouraging to me as i was drawing a super loppy house (that i loved, it was a dejected house - you may see it in the future) - but i needed a perfect house like you see in this piece, so i was frustrated with myself. i said to nick, "stop it. you're just trying to make me believe in myself, you S.O.B." it was awesome. check out nick's artwork at www.nickabrams.com - my favorite of which is located at (i'm not kidding, it's a long story, maybe i'll post it tomorrow) www.nickabrams.com/stine

and if you're stuck in a moment like i was, think about channeling your frustration into something creative. i still don't know what i'm building. but i have decided not to just up and burn all my toothpicks.

you must watch this.

i got it from www.soulpancake.com, a site you must visit, immedeately. it's rainn wilson's brainchild, and an amazing place of creativity & soulfulness.