i told jenni i hated her.
i didn't mean it, and she knew it. but i kept repeating, "you are an awful, awful human being," as i lifted the 8 pound weights above my head, perched on top of a half of a balance ball, staring at myself in a mirror that cast my reflection wide into the rest of the gym, seemingly so the everyone could stare at my weakness. a reverse strong-man show. and it hurt.
when she was in college, earning her kinesiology degree, she was a personal trainer, and now, as she's still healing from her back surgery, she's still getting some pretty hardcore physical therapy, so that moment? when you're at the gym thinking of the exercise section of SELF magazine and wishing you remembered what some of them were? she remembers what all of them are. and she makes you do them. and it's wretched.
"i hate you. i am going to fall and die." i squatted into a plie with a ball pressed between me and the wall, weights in my hand. "fifteen," i said victoriously, when i finally finished. she told me i could rest but i couldn't move.
our last torturous undertaking was this ab exercise with a ball that i just couldn't do. my lower abs, i explained, won't let my feet hover at that angle. how do i make them stronger? i was lying on the mat at this point, convinced i'd never rise again. she stood with her feet next to my head and said, "grab my ankles and put your feet up here. don't let your feet touch the ground." she started throwing my feet at the ground and i had to use my lower abs to resist. it was heinous! and she didn't just throw my feet straight - they went to the side and crooked and diagonal.
i made a full committment to never go to the gym with her again.
so then i'm up grabbing coffee this morning when i realize an unfamiliar feeling. my back doesn't hurt. all that core we did really worked! i look in the mirror and see that my shoulders are sitting much further back than usual (they're generally hunched next to my ears) and that i'm standing up straight. and i decided to maybe give it another shot.
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2 comments:
the exercise that you did when you were lying on the ground is the one that i did yesterday. it hurts really bad but it works really well.
they used to make us do them in cheerleading. and i did them on my own yesterday. i forgot how bad those things hurt!
go girl, its horrible but worth it. I just did this 12 week thing in the spring, maybe one day i'll show you my before and after foto. lovely.
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