walk-away-list

there was cold metal underneath us - we rested on the bleachers at the softball fields. we were yelling quasi-offensive cheers and jeers at my roommate and her team as they lost, once again. do you know that feeling when you realize that you are in a moment that is just more real and wonderful than most others? like, this is real life, and everything else builds around this? (of course mine would be a b-league ballgame that i'm not even playing in.) but i began to explain a very authentic, heartfelt idea to him and there was a charge in the air and he began to respond and it zapped me- my boy is walking to canada. he's leaving us and no one will fill his space.

i don't know how he wrenched his way into our hearts, but he has. and so, because i knew i could trust him not to judge me, i kept talking about my new concept of guidelines to help me make wiser choices (with boys, specifically). no one knows exactly why this is such a weak area for me, but everyone knows it is. so he's listening to me. and i report that for the first time, on saturday night, i heard something that really averted my interest in a boy i was talking to.

so he responds, "i think i'm going to make you a list of those things before i leave." he wanted to make sure i was taken care of. "cocaine, hotel room, alimony, appletini-- you hear any of those words, and i want you to walk away. okay?" we did make a list of walk-away words, most of which were drawn from my previous not-as-successful dating adventures. "ex-fiancee, callaway, undergrad..." and we built the list together.